I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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