she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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