we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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