I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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