you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
