i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
