Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
