Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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