I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
