too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
