ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
