she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
