I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
