I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
