he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
