allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
