i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
