Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Send help, water and tortillas.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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