What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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