just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
