david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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