No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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