I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
