he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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