i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
