why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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