on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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