I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
