I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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