I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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