there's paper in my vomit.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
