Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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