so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
