I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
