He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
