My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
