i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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