I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
