You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
