I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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