Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
