I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
