I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
