I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
