Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
