The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
