I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
