I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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