If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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