I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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